Marty Tanenger
Our hapless protagonist and constant voice of reason (well most of the time), Marty has endured more mayhem and hijinks than John McClane and Jack Bauer combined. Ok, maybe not THAT much mayhem, but a considerable amount for your average 18 year old. Rarely seen outside of the company of lifelong friend Aaron Keith (either out of genuine loyalty or just plain pity,) considering what they've been through, if the friendship hasn't collapsed yet, it likely never will.

First Appearance - Sunday, April 22nd, 2007

Aaron Keith
The logic behind most of Aaron's decisions has been pondered for the ages. From the likes of Sigmund Freud to Friedrich Nietzsche, not a single answer could be surmised. I think it's because he's just plain stupid, but within that stupidity lies a spark of true genius that perhaps we're not quite ready to understand. But seriously... $10 for lemonade? That IS a bit steep...

First Appearance - Sunday, April 22nd, 2007

Charles
Proclaimed to be the "little brother" of Aaron Keith. No one is really sure who Charles is related to, or if he even HAS parents. Needless to say, this little guy is more resourceful than Marty and Aaron combined and they are extra lucky to have him around, especially when dealing with otherworldly feline apparitions.

First Appearance - Thursday, May 17th, 2007

Allison/Tina
Who's got daddy issues? Tina's got daddy issues. How Aaron got to calling her Tina, we'll likely never know, but it drives her to crying, screaming, hair-pulling fits that are too damn entertaining to resolve just yet. That and she has a creepy obsession with the teen drama TV series "Trendy West-Coasties."

First Appearance - Thursday, May 24th, 2007

Doc Brown/Bennett
Bio omitted in lieu of copyright lawsuit. He's a doctor, he's undercover. We don't know his real name or what he really looks like. His next incarnation will likely be Val Kilmer from "Real Genius."

First Appearance - Tuesday, June 5th, 2007

Tad Brosephski
Where do you go when you need the bitchin-est HDTV in the state? Why to Video-Hub of course, and who would you purchase said TV from? Well, Tad Brosephski, when he's not either in the hospital or suffering the effects of advanced mutation brought on by the foreign lung particles left by an ectoplasmic entity. He also might be a surfer. The jury's still out on that one.

First Appearance - Monday, July 23rd, 2007

Brandon Reilly
He dropped by for a glass of lemonade and look what happened. Just another testament to the black hole of insanity that is the respective lives of Marty Tanenger and Aaron Keith.

First Appearance - Monday, August 13th, 2007

Nurse Nancy Jugganski
The local RN and cretaceous babe. She'll deliver the puddin' til the cows come home. Or at least until you've had your fill of puddin'.

Note: Whereabouts/Whenabouts Unknown

First Appearance - Wednesday, September 5th, 2007

David Caruso
Miami Style. Need I say more?

Note: Currently Deceased

First Appearance - Friday, November 23rd, 2007

Braction Peach
Channel 20 News' most prestigious anchor. If there's a story, he'll be all over it like a fat kid on a cupcake. Anything else? That's news to me.

First Appearance - Wednesday, September 24th, 2008

Chet McMatthews
Teen heart-throb and star of the runaway hit series 'Trendy West Coasties.' He's easy to hate, but he's SOO hawt!

Note: Currently Deceased

First Appearance - Friday, August 10th, 2007

J.R. Walden
Writer's room golden-boy and general showrunner for 'Coasties.' Originally creating the show as an easy access pass to spike the network's ratings to prove that his pet project is worth investing in, but the 'Trendy-Train' left the station and hasn't hit the emergency brakes yet...

First Appearance - Friday, September 26th, 2008

The NBe Executive Chairman
When you control the TV, you control... well... the TV! It comes with a lot more power than is sounds. Think a cross between Jack Donoughy and your senile grandfather who keeps calling you Cousin Jimmy and reminiscing about the Pie Eating Contest of '42. Currently deceased.

First Appearance - Friday, September 26th, 2008

ZOMBEAR!
Just as frightening as it sounds. 100% Kodiak Brown Bear, dead, rotted and resurrected (sans lower jaw) to wreak havoc on the unsuspecting wildlife enthusiasts of rural Routeville, CA.

Note: Fictional; does not actually exist... or does it?

First Appearance - Friday, October 10th, 2008

Percy Redshirt
Co-Executive Producer on 'Coasties' and writing partner to J.R. Walden. Mysteriously met his demise while working late trying to fix the gaping plotholes in Aaron's befouled 'Coasties' arc.

Note: Currently Deceased

First Appearance - Friday, February 6th, 2009